Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me