I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.