and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Life without a bra equals bliss.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.