How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen