I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?