There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
