My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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