My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
