what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
