god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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