I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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