the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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