my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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