She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
