I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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