I wish my penis had an off switch
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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