i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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