My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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