When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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