I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
