Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
