Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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