remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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