Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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