Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
