Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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