I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
