The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
