Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
