every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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