Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize