hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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