it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
