id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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