shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
