I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
