The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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