I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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