i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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