You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
