You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
