If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
