I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
