I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
