hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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