if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
