Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
