I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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