she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
