either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
