everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
