just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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