Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
