I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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