Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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