don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize