She tied me up with her honor cords...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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