dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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