Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
