found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
