I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have fence marks all over my body
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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