My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
