I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
