All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
