I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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