New invention idea: vibrating tampons
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
