Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
