We won't sleep together?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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