so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
