I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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