True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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