Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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