last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
