Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
