Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
