i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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