6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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