I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
